While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
