i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
