I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I got inside last night via doggy door
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
