I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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