we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
