can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
