just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
vagina is talking i cant
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
