yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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