I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
