she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
