I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
