just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
