dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
