Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
