If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
