I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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