I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Randomize
