the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
