I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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