when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
