Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
