She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
