I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just cropdusted the office
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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