I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
