I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
