he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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