Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
