I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
