The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
3 2 1 whiskey
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
