alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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