How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
