This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Randomize
