My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
