This dress was meant to end up on your floor
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
we're making bets on your personal life
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
