Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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