How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
