My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
