Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
