I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
