A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
