a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
