Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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