Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
