Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
