the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
