Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
