I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
