He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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