Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
