think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
