I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
